I'm scared to take a shower.

My husband and I are at war.

Full on war.

A water fight in particular, but it's not isolated so much recently.

It all started about a month ago, while showering I received a cup of ice water poured on me. My kids thought it was hilarious and joined in throwing anything they could find at me - actual cups, paint brushes, ya know...anything and everything.

I retaliated to Adam while showering with two large containers of ice water in return. AND I voice recorded the insistent which was one of my best ideas ever. It's not 'G' rated so it won't be gracing the blog.

These antics were answered with first the water being shut off - completely. I had just shampooed my hair, and I couldn't get a drop out of the faucet. I was forced to get out and try to find him - ::he was outside:: - and get him to turn it back on (lesson of the day - learn how to turn the darn water on!). I didn't trust that he was done so I literally hid in our minuscule bathroom closet. He came in just like I thought he would but swore he was Satisfied with how he got me. Finally getting back in and rinsing off he sneaks in with the garden freaking hose from outside. Not only was it muddy and messy it was obviously fa-ree-zinnng. I almost inflicted some major pain on him but I was in a compromised state. He leaves and I lept in as fast as I could to get warm and finish before he had time to do anything else. Unfortunately I was not quick enough as he lastly turned off the hot water forcing me to finish the worst shower of my life in freezing water. I thought I'd get him back this way but he told me it was dangerous to do and I could blow up the house since I didn't know what I was doing. Nice.

I tried to put food coloring (sister in laws awesome idea) and buck urine hunting spray (a gift for my redneck birthday party in case you're wondering) in his body wash but once I stopped gagging the smell was so strong And the food coloring was so bold I had to trash it. The only back fire was on me for this one because I smelled that crap all day.

He's since put snap fireworks under the toilet so when I sit it scares me half to death.

I've gotten several ideas from loved ones who are thankfully on my side for revenge including making him brownies laced with laxatives or taking uber pepper hot sauce and killing his taste buds. While I adore these ideas I'm petrified of receiving pain as a retaliation so I've not done these yet.

I'm desperate to get him back so if anyone has any ideas that aren't too mean or painful - PLEASE PLEASE enlighten me.